I spoke to a board member who had served on many nonprofit and for-profit boards. They shared that the best way to make things happen is to build strong personal relationships with all board members and the CEO.

Meet One-on-One with Board Members

As shared by a board member somewhere in the US.

Managing a board is like managing a team. You need to build trust. You need to find the best fit for each person’s skills. You need to figure out how to get the most out of everyone. And for me, you don’t do that in a large, formal meeting.

I’ve always felt that actual board meetings are a bit ceremonial. The real work—the stuff I’m most proud of—has almost always happened outside the boardroom, in one‑on‑one or small group conversations with other members. That’s where people open up, share what they really know, and offer the insights that move an organization forward. It took me a while to realize that, but once I did, it changed how I approached board service.

Building Trust One Conversation at a Time

I believe you can motivate and inspire fellow board members much more effectively outside official meetings. In a room of twelve, people posture. One‑on‑one or in a small group, they think out loud. They get excited. They take risks.

So good leadership—whether you’re the chair of the board or of a committee—depends on building personal relationships that create trust. Trust makes brainstorming possible. Trust lets you move something forward. When I am board chair, I meet with everyone on the board. When I am a committee chair, I meet with everyone on the committee. I never leave anyone out. Even when I am not leading an effort, I try to meet individually with the people I am going to work with.

These one-on-ones promote healthy dialogue that shows up not just in the one-on-one meeting, but also in the bigger meetings.

And it cuts both ways. If you say something in a meeting that goes wrong, you can alienate people without even realizing it. They mishear you, or they’re distracted, or they’re defensive. It’s so much easier to repair that outside the meeting, where you can check in and clear the air. And if you have a relationship, they are also more likely to give you the benefit of the doubt.

Small, Informal Gatherings Spark Creativity

With one organization I served on, we were starting some planning. On paper, it’s a committee task. But the best thinking happened when a few of us grabbed coffee and talked through all the different ways we might approach the process. Before long, we had a solid plan—long before anything ever showed up on an agenda. We were just a handful of people asking, “What would actually make this process better?” Those conversations don’t happen in a formal meeting, where everything gets scrutinized, and people instinctively look for reasons to say no.

Helping Board Members See Their Own Value

I also find these personal conversations help me understand what skills and experiences each board member brings. I can use this information to direct each board member toward areas that will help the organization and make them feel successful. Some organizations view their board members only as check writers. Being able to write a big check is great! And for some board members, that is all you can expect. But most board members can add value in many ways beyond writing a check. They can amplify the organization in their networks, share it on social media, bring people to events, and generally “own” the mission in public. They can be thought partners to the CEO or staff. They can bring professional expertise. But they will only go above and beyond when they feel valued and have genuine ownership. And creating that sense of ownership is part of what happens in these individual meetings.

Managing the Tough Personalities

Another advantage of building individual relationships is that it helps you deal with tough personalities. As I said, managing a board is like managing a team. But with a difference. You cannot easily fire someone from a board. So, if there is a person who is not a great fit, you need to redirect them without derailing the group. Plus, the people who seem the most negative often have the sharpest insights. Talk to them. Hear their thoughts—if you can get them to shift from “finding problems” to “solving problems,” you’ve done a great service to the organization, the board, and them. Even the board member who’s usually the contrarian can become a problem‑solver if you ask the right questions and give them space to air all their worries first. Often, they become champions.

The CEO Relationship: Quietly Essential

I have been focusing on building relationships with other board members. But building a good relationship with the CEO or executive director is also essential. A lot of board members don’t realize that you need to do this proactively. I want the ED to trust me enough to call when they can’t sleep because of a work challenge. They’ll never trust you with that kind of vulnerability unless you’ve invested in the relationship. And if the ED does not trust anyone, the board ends up reacting without full knowledge, which leads to bad decisions.

Lessons Learned

• The board meeting is not where trust is built. Trust comes from one‑on‑one conversations, not formal agendas.
• People contribute more when they feel safe. Informal settings unlock creativity and candor.
• Even the “difficult” members have value. With the right questions, they can shift from blockers to problem‑solvers.
• Board service is human work. Governance skills matter, but interpersonal skills are what make a board effective.
• Relationships with the CEO matter. They need someone they can call before a crisis becomes public.