A reader asked if he could share a story that was about his Homeowner’s Association. “It is not a nonprofit like most of the stories you share,” he told me. “But my story has a universal message – about doing something hard because it is the right thing to do.” I agree. So, I will share his story here.

A Great Candidate, with a Catch

As told by an HOA President somewhere in the US

I was president of our HOA—Homeowners’ Association—and board elections were coming up. We had some financial challenges ahead, and I knew we needed someone with strong financial modeling skills on the board. I also happened to know the perfect person: Tom, a neighbor who lived in the community and had serious finance chops.

This was in the early 2000s—before marriage equality was law. A few days before the annual meeting, I asked Tom if he’d be willing to join the board. His answer caught me off guard.

Tom told me, “I can’t be on the board. Only shareholders or their legal spouses are eligible—and I’m not listed We’re not legally married and adding me would have tax consequences. So, we left the title in John’s name only.”

Act Fast to Fix an Injustice

I remember thinking: This is ridiculous. Tom and John were raising kids. They were a couple in every meaningful sense of the word. But because of an outdated bylaw—and an unjust law—they were being excluded. And our community was missing out on Tom’s talents.

So, I thought: We have to fix this. But I also knew time was short—just a day or two before the meeting. I debated whether to announce the proposed bylaw change in advance or bring it up at the annual meeting itself. I figured if I raised it ahead of time, it might stir up resistance or drag out a debate that would ultimately block a simple fix. I decided to move fast.

Get Legal Input

I called our HOA attorney to make sure we were on solid ground. He said yes, we could change the bylaws during the annual meeting without prior notice. That’s allowed under our rules. He even gave me the language to use: “shareholders and their spouses and long-term domestic partners.”

Ensure Discussion and Understanding Before Voting

At the meeting, before the board elections started, I said: “I want to raise something important. Tom can’t run for the board because our bylaws only allow spouses, and the state doesn’t recognize his relationship. I’d like to amend the bylaw to include long-term domestic partners so he can run.”

People nodded agreement. But I made sure we still had plenty of discussion. The room wasn’t silent. People understood what we were voting on.

Finally, we took a vote. One person abstained and raised the point that we should not rush a bylaw change. Fair enough. But the amendment passed overwhelmingly. Tom was elected to the board. I thought: This is a win. We did something right.

The Backlash

But then came the fallout. The one dissenting voice grew louder. He could not keep it civil. His behavior got others worked up, and eventually, six or seven people invited me over to “talk it out.” They told me they had voted yes but later regretted it.

They said we should not have changed the bylaws “on the fly.” They accused me of manipulating the process and said I’d abused my power as chair. Some even said, “If we start fooling around with the bylaws, we’re setting a dangerous precedent.” I replied: “You regret your vote? That happens. It happens in democracies.”

They insisted they weren’t mad about Tom. They told Tom and John that it was not personal, saying, “We respect you.”

I remember thinking: That’s what people say when it actually is personal. That’s what people said to Jews. To Black people. When you’re faced with injustice, you either act or you don’t. We acted. We patched an unjust system, at least in our little corner of the world.

The Special Meeting

The dissent didn’t die down. It got heated. There were accusations, shouting, even public confrontations. One neighbor started yelling at me in public and sending me inflammatory emails. I finally had to tell him not to contact me unless another board member was present.

Eventually, they called a special meeting and brought in the HOA attorney. In that special meeting, they voted on whether to overturn the bylaw change. It was close—but the change stood.

Looking Back: What Would I Have Done Differently?

I’ve thought a lot about whether I should have announced the bylaw proposal in advance. Technically, I did not have to. Our attorney confirmed that for regular annual meetings, no prior notice is required for a bylaw change.

Still, I could have sent an email the night before. People accused me of withholding it intentionally to get the outcome I wanted—and they’re not wrong. I did. I wanted to avoid a dragged-out fight. Even my wife told me it was manipulative. And, in a way, it was. I believed that if we waited, Tom would miss his chance, and the momentum to fix this would fizzle. We also would not get the financial expert on the board. So yeah—strategically, I didn’t give people time to form opposition.

Would I Do It Again? Yes

Honestly? If I were on another board—say, a nonprofit—and I saw a bylaw that clearly undermined someone’s rights, I’d do the same thing again.

If I saw an opportunity to correct a moral wrong with a small, actionable fix, I’d raise my hand and say: “I know this isn’t how we normally do things. But let’s take this chance to make it right. Now.”

My only real regret is that I wasn’t more forceful in defending what we did. At that special meeting, when people questioned the change, I wish I’d slammed my fist on the table and said, “Yes, we changed the rule. Because the rule was wrong.”

Lessons Learned

The whole situation taught me something about leadership, governance, and the limits of process. Sometimes the law is unjust. Sometimes bylaws are outdated. And sometimes, doing the right thing doesn’t win you popularity—but it still needs to be done.

So, if I had to do it over? I’d still make the motion at the board meeting. I’d still ask the room to stand up for what’s right.